Cody Marby

Inside yet another tinted bottle
beneath an innocence-proof cap
ratcheting round and round
on my mind's desperate threads
within this oversized paper bag
distinguished from my kitchen clutter
atop a textbook of side effects
torn mercilessly from its staple
are more than a few pressed pills
compounded to help me decompress.
 
Rules and regulations restrict access
to my so-called peace of mind
all that's needed is utter despair and
at least one blatantly broken spirit
thankfully, or I would try everything
until I found a way to feel again
just make sure your pain is believable
to someone who may not suffer
but everyone knows the mentally ill
can't be trusted to fend for themselves.
 
What would happen if, one day,
one of those hopeless people like me
doomed to dependence on alchemy
to feel part of the modern world
decided to take it upon themselves
to simmer different elements
someone lucky to be alive today, since
nature wouldn't have selected before
until they found just the right elixir
to give them the golden joy of youth?
 
Certain questions needn't be answered,
some thoughts should remain thoughts
that's the spirit, there you go, don't stop
thinking what you need to believe
because medicine is meant to help
those who are unable to help themselves
and go take one of those little souls
eager to fill in whilst yours is away
and even though I've tried and tried,
I can't be normal enough to live without.
 
And so here I sit in bipolar standoff
frozen stiff with fear of losing myself
it's easy, just ask yourself what's better:
being yourself or not being crazy?
one sentient spring madly overflowing
and thirty stagnant little soul crushers
camouflage for those who stand out
from the crowd of just expectation
meeting to solve the age-old conflict
wherein problems and solutions blur.
 
I suppose I really don't have a choice
so to delay is to prolong this suffering
just go ask that mirror on the wall
what it would prefer to see every day
and grief once I domesticate my wild
spirit full of numerous summer days
because even eternal lines wrinkle
turning fair skin harsh beneath the Sun
so I guess this is goodbye, old me
maybe I'll shine like you again one day.